She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
