Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
