We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
