went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
