can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
