I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
