So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
