Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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