when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
