I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
