i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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