i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
