It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
