Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
