see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
