omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize