We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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