i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
