I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
