oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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