if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
