im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
