you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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