either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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