i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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