So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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