He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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