remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
