it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
