Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
