Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
