it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
