I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize