Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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