Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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