I think I am morally bankrupt
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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