If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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