I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
