I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
