If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
