It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize