Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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