Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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