Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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