this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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