What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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