i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
