I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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