i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Welp...herpes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
