i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
