My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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