OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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