Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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