Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
