I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize