if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
