"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
