at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My life is pants optional.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
