Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
