and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
