I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
