Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Congratulations! We have a period
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