two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Gay?
German.
Pity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize