giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Someone came in the potted fern
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
