may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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