So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
