Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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