There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
