We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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