This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
