All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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