I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
