i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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