im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I did not marry a roomba.
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