How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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