I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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