I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is wine microwaveable?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
