Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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