I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
