my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
