i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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