Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
