I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
