We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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