a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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