need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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