I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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