It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
