Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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