why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
