I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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