Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
