I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize