I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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