just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
