i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize