if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
