RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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