i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
