so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
