the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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